Just below Mexico next to Belize …………………..5 years on.

Well, I´m still here!  Two years since I last wrote an update, so I apologise for the length.

I now have my Guatemalan Residency and identity card (Cedula) and I am no longer changing nappies … yippee.

We are still living in the same house in San Pedro, just outside Antigua.  It is comfortable and suits us for now.  We were thinking about buying something here, but have decided to put all our money into our next big move to Europe which is planned for 2 or 3 years time, hopefully in time for an upturn in the economy.  We have very reasonable rent here and feel comfortable and secure in this cosy house with the fireplace and the views of the volcanoes.  The neighbours don’t bother us and we have a great ´guardien´ family as our nearest neighbours now.  They have a little boy, Carlitos in between the ages of Paulo and Nico.  It is very common in Guatemala for larger houses to have a family living at the bottom of the garden or in a small house at the gate.  In fact most of the neighbours I know are guardienes.  It is a nice life for lots of local families because very often the people that own the big houses only come at weekends, or once a month, or once or twice a year when owned by foreigners!  So their children can grow up playing in beautiful gardens and living somewhere safe and green in this country of double standards and apartheid.  We now have a babysitter Maria who lives round the corner.  She has 4 boys of her own so is well equipped to handle my two.  We knew her for two years before she came to babysit on the odd night when we get out.  I still

have the same wonderful nanny, known by the boys as Juju and I have been helping her out with medical bills as she has suffered high blood pressure and gastritis this last year.  She is still as fun as ever and loves the boys.

Paulo was just 4 in November and had the usual piñata.  He has become completely obsessed with superheroes, especially spiderman, so spiderman piñata it was.  The two of them run around firing spiderweb and talking incessantly in both languages about strange spiderman things …………   Rafa got them spiderman capes at the traffic lights in the city to facilitate.  Finally, Paulo will start his French classes at the Alliance Francaise in Antigua.  He has been asking me for 2 years to learn French so the swimming classes are on hold and he will spend two afternoons a week with a group of 6 children learning his third language.  Paulo has always excelled in the talking department so I thought I would dare to let him try another language.  Until he was 1 we spent a lot of time with my good friend Bertrand who was French, he wont remember but maybe this has something to do with his interest in learning French, that or Ratatouille.  I have almost forgotten my French all mixed up with Spanish now.  Paulo and Nico were doing swimming classes last year in the city twice a week.  They did really well but it was very time consuming and expensive to drive to the city twice a week.

A Guatemalan woman has opened a new Montessori school in Antigua so Paulo will start there soon, as the school year starts mid January here.  Nico has already started two mornings a week at Paulo´s old school and loves it.  There are only 4 of them all around the same age.  The teacher is Luki, a Guatemalan who lived in California for 30 years and has a masters in Education, she teaches in both languagesl.

Paulo and Nico are very different characters and spent most of 2008 putting their energy into annoying each other!  At times I felt like my days were mainly spent separating them, unable to leave them alone for half a minute, without fights and screams. When we travelled to England, just the three of us, it was probably the worst moment for sibling conflict and it was often physically impossible to separate them, they slept like peas in a pod together, fighting all over England they were.                        Things have improved a lot lately though as Nico is talking more, and has become a more useful and, it has to be said, extremely willing playmate.  Paulo with my encouragement has become more interested in teaching Nico things, instead of hitting him with things, which he is very good at when he puts his mind to it – the hitting and the teaching.  They both love books and we now have quite an impressive library in both language.  In fact my favourite time of day is reading them stories on the sofa upstairs before bedtime.  Paulo likes to be read poetry in bed, mainly AA Milne.  Nico was a bit lazy with the talking partly because his older brother never gives him chance, answering every question for him!  He talks much more baby talk and is quite amusingly earnest with his choice of words.  The boys speak both English and Spanish to each other depending on their environment.  Recently I bought a pirate copy of Mama Mia in the market and they love it memorising chunks of lyrics!  (Their Mum quite likes it too, it reminds her of dancing around Lorraine Robertson´s living room with a mic and her mother´s highheel black boots on, way back in the 70s..)

Poor Rafa has had a very busy and insecure year at work.  Norway, after 7 years, without much warning, moved most of their development funds out of Guatemala.  Rafa and Elias begged for a bit more money to give them time to look for other finance and save Casa Comal.  They got enough to last for 6 months.  So it has been a scarey year for us financially but things seem to be going really well for Casa Comal in their new more commercial role. Support and funds arriving little by little from other places most of them more local.  They have also sold a lot of rights for their films and documentaries to TV stations in South America, bringing in much needed revenue.  The Icaro Film Festival last November was the first one sponsored and paid for by the new government (The president sounds rather like Lester Piggot I realised!).  The opening ceremony was a much more patriotic ceremony and a national anthem that went on just a tad too long like the Fast Show football sketch.  Up until now Norway has paid Casa Comal and The Icaro Festival as their only Central American cultural project but had pulled most of their money out of Guatemalan projects last year and moved their embassy to Nicaragua.  The year before the festival had been a very emotional event as nobody knew if it would continue. So finally it is the Official Guatemalan and Central American Film Festival acknowledged by its government and not just outside aid.  Casa Comal will become the consultants who are paid to organise and produce it.  The Icaro has now spread to all Central American countries and Rafa visits all of the festivals as the founder and director.  Last year we all went to the Festival in San Salvador and had a great couple of days.  We found a really amazing childrens museum and friendly helpful people.  Nico loved all the taxi rides.  The Festival in Guatemala this year brought some of the regulars back and some new faces as ever.  I organised a bus load of people to join me for the opening and closing parties as usual and we saw an excellent Panamanian band.

During all this madness I was selling my flat in London long distance when the markets were crashing around us.  Anyway, thank goodness for Skype, it was a long and time-consuming 6 month long sale with a final gazundering (the new term for brutal price drop by the buyer) at the last moment.  Doing all this from another continent, as well as the ups and downs of Casa Comal meant that it wasn´t the easiest year for us financially like a lot of people, but we weathered the storm and 2009 should be an interesting year!

I am still very close to my Californian friend Heather, who has the dry sense of humour and laid back approach to life, to almost qualify to be British, or so I tease her!  My Guatemalan friend Fatima has been very busy with her business this year so have not seen her so much although we met regularly in her garden café with the children.  Her daughter Iñes, Paulo´s first love, will be going to a big posh private school in the city next week so I think we will see less and less of her.  She makes him hold her hand and confirms to him that they are in love on a regular basis.   Marike arrived on the scene.  She is Dutch but brought up in Latin America as her father was always working for the UN.  She has two little boys, is a single Mum (by choice, so she must stop playing the poor me card) and works on nutrition projects.  She did her Nutrition PhD at Dundee University of all places and is very fond of the Scots!  She fits in well with our little group and has put her boys in the same playgroups and schools as us.

Since becoming a wife and a mother out here I found myself amongst large groups of women for the first time in my life!!!  I got in too far and had to disentangle myself from the ´Wisteria lane´ circle in Antigua ……..woah.  A clique of wealthy international mothers who although very `nice´, it was not really my scene.  I have retreated into a more laid back bohemian circle. This last year I met a couple of nice British blokes living in San Pedro which has been really fun and they both cook which is great.  Felix (from Felixstowe, real name Mark) has been in Antigua several years and was running one of the first internet cafes and then an Indian takeaway until he was recently offered the chance to start his own restaurant in Antigua which he decided to call Pushkar.  Prior to throwing himself into the restuarant world we would spend Wednesday afternoons in his garden with his flatmate, his son Kai (Thai for number 1, I think) and my two boys ……… usually a few tasty nibbles of Indian food too, now he is flat out setting up his restaurant, we pop in and catch up regularly.  At the film festival in 2007 I met Morelia a Guatemalan artist who has become a firm friend, she teaches art in the city but comes to Antigua most weekends.  She lived in Montreal, Italy, Cuba and Bolivia before coming back to Guatemala.   I also met Yvonne last year, another Brit who arrived in Guatemala around the same time as me and set up nutrition projects for mothers and babies in a beautiful isolated part of Guatemala about 8 hours drive from here.  Talking to her really brings home the reality of the situation of most families living in Guatemala.  82% of indigenous children suffer from chronic malnutrition, yet go to one of the big hotels in Antigua for Sunday brunch and you will see some very overweight young children jumping in the pool!  The extremes of the crazy world are never far away in Guatemala so close to the US but so wracked with poverty and corruption.  I have never met people so rich and privileged and others so poor and helpless.  Helicopters regularly fly over Antigua especially at weekends carrying the rich from one mansion filled with servants to another on the beach or the lake.

Rafa´s cousin Taty comes down every summer from California for 2 or 3 months with her daughter Sylvanna.  She designs jewellery and has it made here.  I get on very well with her and the boys love Sylvanna who is 8 and very smart!  We have become very fond of a water park, Guateque which is down towards the coast about 40 minutes drive away and much hotter than here. It has the charm of a vintage theme park and includes a strange zoo selection including Ostrich, deer, parrots, fish, monkeys and one rescued Elephant.  Nico has been pecked by the parrot and Paulo had his hair pulled by the cheeky monkey but apart from that we have a very relaxed time. We took Taty and Sylvanna down there a couple of times and then they took Paulo, Nico and I to stay in a very smart hotel on the beach in Monterico.  The highlight of the trip for the boys was seeing whales and dolphins jumping in the waves I never would have noticed if one of the other guests hadn’t shouted ballena! They boys were very excited and still talk about it and act out the scene, we all ran on to the beach burning our feet on the hot black sand and running back to the pool to cool them off.  My highlight for me was sitting on the terrace listening to the waves sipping Pina Coladas and listening to Taty telling me crazy tales from her early days growing up in Guatemala .  She was always the black sheep of the family and always fun with fascinating stories.

We have also found our place to stay on the coast in an area called Las Lisas on the Salvadoran border.  We spent a lovely weekend there early last year with the boys collecting shells and hermit crabs on the beach and eating fresh fish and prawns.  Our bungalow was right on the sand on stilts and the sea breezes kept us cool at night.  It is a 2 hour drive from here on a beautiful road.  We are planning another trip when Grandma and Papa Grande arrive from England end of January.

We went to England again in September as we had done the year before but this time without Rafa which made it much harder especially beginning the journey with a 12 hour delay stranded at Guatemala airport missing all our connections.  It was one of those occasions where you just thank your lucky stars that you are stuck with such a nice group of people.  There were a lot of children from Central America and the States and Paulo and Nico happily played for most of that time until they fell asleep on the floor wrapped in plane blankets.  I on the other hand was going out of my mind with worry wondering how they were going to sort out the rest of my trip which was via Atlanta and Newark.  Kind young traveller Sam from London helped me carry the boys onto the plane after midnight both asleep.  Everybody had shared food, DVD players, nintendos you name it and after another 13 hour stopover in Atlanta we made it to the UK a day late with no luggage!

I hired a car this time in England and although expensive it meant that I could whizz around and catch up with lots of people albeit for too short a time ….. but it was really great to see everyone and see some old friends.  It is so great to see people and realise you can start again just where you left off.  I just wish I had chance to see more people when I go, without babysitters just getting out for a drink in London is impossible.

So our big plan is to head back to Europe in 2 or 3 years, Barcelona at the moment being the place we have decided on but who knows where we could end up.  We have to start to write a project and looking for funds to set up a Central American Film and Cultural Centre, another Casa Comal in Europe.  It is early days but we have lots of ideas.  I will probably do my first trip, leaving the boys with Rafa, to go to Barcelona in May and start checking things out if anybody fancies escaping for a couple of days to meet me.  Bizarrely, a few weeks ago an article came out in one of the Sunday newspapers here about successful Guatemaltecos living in Barcelona all of them working in the artistic field.  It seems that it will not be too difficult for Rafa to get a Spanish passport, all his family have for asylum or marriage reasons.  This was important for him.  Guatemala and Spain have an agreement and Rafa fits all the criteria.  Rafa would also like to start writing pieces for the Spanish press, even before we leave.  I am beginning to research how to go about exporting things from Guatemala to Spain and what will sell in these hard times!!!  Zacapa Rum, the best in the world they say. … or maybe just worry dolls!

Out trip to Mexico rounded off 2008.  A lot of Rafa´s friends from film school live in Mexico City, known by everyone over here as DF meaning districo federal or something like that.  We were lucky enough to be lent a great apartment and car, round the corner from all our friends, by a domino playing tequila drinking ex priest friend of Rafa´s family.  We saw great museums and parks, were taken to a lovely country house just outside for New Year and walked around the old historic centre of Zocala in between meeting up with lots of friends and children who I have heard lots about but never had chance to meet.

So I have been here 5 years now and I already know that this country and this part of the world is deeply entrenched in my psyche, husband and children playing a big role in that!  Sometimes it is hard to know how to bring children up here where society is so fixed and unchanged and my children will always be ganchitos (little blondies) and me a gringa (rich white girl).  But we always find fun things to do and kind people to do them with and that is about as much as I can wish for! The Credit crunch has not affected Guatemala as much as some other places as it was always xxxxed up anyway!

We are off to the Guadalajara film festival in March in Mexico.  I am escaping for 3 days first time ever!!  Outrageous behaviour.  Will write some more news about Guadalajara ……………..

I am hoping for lots of visitors in 2009, you know where we are ………. Just below Mexico next to Belize.

xxx

 

Another year has passed and it feels like such a long time since I was living in London . I don`t have too much time to worry about it though! I miss family and friends, good music, long summer evenings, worcester sauce flavour crisps etc etc …… 

Recently we have had a series of trembles. Which means that now I keep a torch by my bed and have been drilled in what to do if we get another earthquake. We have a terrace on top of the house and a big park opposite, two good escape routes, I am to get Nico and Rafa will get Paulo. Rafa takes the shakes very calmly like a true Guatemalan. I have been a bit of a girl`s blouse I have to say. It is 31 years since the last big one in 76, the cleaqr up and the aftermath, was one of the things which politicised Rafa and ultimately sent him heading up to the mountains to stop the genocide.

Nico is now one and Paulo celebrated his second birthday in November. Both had the traditional piñata celebration in the back garden. For those who don`t know, a piñata is the huge papa machee parcel in the shape of their favourite thing (in Paulo`s case it was Nemo!) All the children take it in turns to bash it with a big stick until it breaks and sweets and little presents fall out. Then they all rush to collect them in little bags. It is usually a fight that the older children shamelessly win.

Going back a little, Nico`s arrival in January was quite eventful. He was born at the side of the road in an ambulance (not very equipped) in a pretty grotty part of the outskirts of Guatemala city. We arrived at the hospital with him in my arms twenty minutes later and spent less than 24 hours there just to make sure we were both healthy after our adventure. When we got back to the house we were received by my wonderful nanny, Doña Judith (now called Juju by Paulo) and her daughters with special soup, sopa de Gallina and lots of excitement. Paulo handled it all quite well but went through a little biting phase not long after. The first weeks were tough and in the evenings I would have to tie Nico on my back Guatemalan style so I could feed bath and get Paulo to bed. Sometimes after 20 minutes my back would be killing me and Paulo would want me to carry him too. Who needs a gym to get back into shape when you have two big babies to keep you busy. Paulo has an expression for the times when we are alone and he wants to be picked up too ….. 2 babies Mummy!

We moved to a new house in July five minutes from the other one but much nicer with great neighbours and a beautiful garden. It is in an area at the bottom of the volcano called San Pedro el alto, a bit like a leafy green suburb with big houses and gardens mixed with caretakers tiny houses to look after the big houses, very typical here. We are now 5 minutes walk from Juju`s house which is great. Sometimes she takes Paulo and Nico to her house which is in the grounds of a huge house, they have ducks, chickens, rabbits, dogs and cats and her six children…. so the boys love going there.

Rafa`s film, Las Cruces was finally released in November in Guatemala City and Quetzaltenango (the second city in the northern highlands of Guatemala) and was generally very well received. He has been doing the rounds of the festivals and so far received two prizes in Madrid, and received a standing ovation in Venezuela. Rafa felt that in Venezuela there was a real spirit of change and not just because of the new Anti-Us president Chavez but from the people themselves. He will carry on going to festivals all year and is at the moment in Panama representing Guatemala at a meeting of Ibo-American cinema. The weekends are tough with my two mad nippers when he is away but you get used to anything after a while. In March he is off to Colombia, Cuba and New York. I am so torn between spending some precious time away with my husband and not being able to leave my nippers, such is life ……

The annual Icaro film festival organized by Rafa`s company ran again in the city in November and it was the first time I wasn`t pregnant so I managed to have a drink and a dance at the closing party. It was tough for Rafa as his father was really ill in the last stages of pancreatic cancer. He was sent home to be nursed and Rafa was with him in the last few days. Rafa`s father had been a very important figure in the political history of Guatemala and he received fitting tributes from around the world. Here the funeral is like a two day marathon, and not of the Irish kind. There was no music or alchohol or eulogies, just a lot of people sitting around for hours in a rather dreary funeral home eating limp sandwiches and endless cups of coffee. I really felt for the family, who were exhausted from the weeks before to then have to immediately endure such an event. Funerals happen the next day here and often the bodies are not embalmed, just washed and dressed. Thankfully there was no open coffin as personally I prefer to remember people how they were alive. My good friend Fatima helped me with all the protocol of what was expected of me, as Rafa was obviously very upset and rather unavailable to me for such important trivialities in a culture which is much more traditional and ceremonial than my own. I did learn that the funerals in the countryside here (Maya funerals) seem to have more of the Irish wake style of music and dancing, and card playing is very popular at such events. I will miss Rafa`s father, who although in many ways was quite a serious man of principals (in a country where not many people have them) he always had a kind word and a smile for me, especially in the early days when my Spanish was limited and the formality of Guatemalan family life could be quite terrifying for me.

Life goes on much the same in Antigua with the regular weekly play groups and mother`s meetings. Two gay guys from Houston opened a new wine bar called Sangre (literally Blood!) with exotic tapas and an extensive wine list. This has become our refuge when we do manage to get out of the house for a while. And also a good meeting place for the girls when we all manage to get out. I feel as though I have some really good friends here now, who like in every ex-pat situation, have become my family and support network. We went to a wedding last week in a beautiful garden just outside Antigua, a Tennessee girl marrying a Peruvian guy, they have a son the same age as Nico. It was a lovely day. My two boys love to party, so we all had a great time.

Halloween here is celebrated with the day of the dead. When all families go to the cemeteries and put flowers on the graves of their relatives and at the same time, rather incongruously, but makes a nice juxtaposition, they also fly traditional kites, trampling all over the graves of their ancestors. This year Rafa was working preparing for the film festival, so Paulo, Nico and I went with Juju and her children to the local cemetery, we then all came home and took the kites to the park across the road. It was great fun for Paulo who was old enough to enjoy it this year. Nico fell asleep and missed it all!

I have discovered a new DVD rental place in Antigua and have been slowly working my way through the Oscars of the last couple of years. Paulo has been able to sample the delights of Nemo, Shrek and is particularly found of Chitty Chitty Bang bang, which he calls Shitty Shitty bam bam. We even got the Sound of Music out at Christmas!

This Christmas I decided to pitch for an English Christmas. Here in Guatemala Christmas is celebrated on the evening of the 24th and people eat around 10pm , open presents and then go out to see the fireworks, or should I say hear, because most of them are just bangers. This is great if you an adult who wants to get drunk and sleep off your hangover all day Christmas day but for two young children it seemed rather pointless. For me Christmas was always the excitement of waking on Christmas morning after Santa had been in the night and seeing my Santa sack bulging with presents. We even got a Santa Piñata for Paulo to hit with Juju`s children on Christmas day morning. Paulo had a good time and we left a whiskey for Santa on the fireplace which he seemed to find really fascinating.
I suppose, and am told, that my Spanish has really improved, so I have stopped feeling like a silent school exchange teenager in formal social situations. I can even make people laugh sometimes. Paulo`s linguistic ablity has amazed us all – I now think all children should be brought up bi-lingual. He is speaking more of two languages than children who only speak with one. I have two names depending upon which language he is speaking. Mummy in English and Mama in Spanish. He also has a highly developed two year olds slapstick humour. Gafaws manically if I drop anything and repeats the same gag when I am puttimg him in his sleeping bag every night with the same amount of hilarity as if it was the first time. Nico however is the dark house of the family. As strong as an ox with a radiant smile and a rather serious downturned mouth, firm jaw expression the rest of the time. I was told by a wise woman the other day that he is an old spirit, and to be honest I can believe it, the knowing way he looks at me sometimes.

This new year I sent Rafa out and managed to stay up until around 12.20, reminiscing about all the other crazy new year celebrations I have had in ….Macau. London, Paris, Barcelona, Austria …….and then tucked myself up in bed with a hot chocolate …. bliss

SO life goes on here, I am getting used to the idiosyncracies of life in Central America for a domesticated mother of two. At times England and Europe seem very far away but we are planning to make it over in September this year ….so hope to catch up with some old friends soon.

Well I haven’t quite got two babies yet, but I thought if I don’t write now it will be months before I have chance to do anything with two boys under two!  But I appear to have lost my ability to write so trying to keep this short ….

So much has happened in my life in these last two years that sometimes I get vertigo thinking about it.  I feel as though emotionally I have been on quite a journey learning how to be a wife and a mother and how to live in the third world with all its paradoxes, pleasures, privileges and dangers.  Rafa and I never had time just for us and I keep thinking we are doing everything backwards and one day we may have some time for ourselves!!  But when I think about the crazy things we have already achieved together when we hardly knew each other – I feel very lucky.  But I wouldn’t recommend getting to know your partner whilst having a baby, at times I thought where the hell am I and what the hell am I doing!!   but I suppose everyone does.  Having two cultures, two continents, two languages … it is a miracle really.  Honestly Rafa, I really was a spontaneous party girl!

Now we are living in a beautiful and safe house in a condominium just outside Antigua, I have a good support group of mother friends and a wonderful partner and father to my children who has supported me through all my ups and downs while making a film on a tiny budget in the third world in a country with no film industry.   And of course I have my wonderful little Paulo, but will save you all that ‘Hello Magazine’ motherhood rubbish.  Here he is …..

The days of the film shoot were tough; I was alone a lot and had not made contact with all the Antigua Mums, so felt very lonely for days on end.  I felt irrationally angry with Rafa for not being around and very far away from all the people who knew me best.  Poor Rafa was struggling to be a good father and a good film director both in exceptional circumstances.  In the middle of the night when we were both exhausted the communication breakdowns made everything seem worse.  But we are suckers for punishment and now getting ready for another.  I know I will have a very tough 6 months.  Just getting out of the house will be difficult.  But I am happy that the two boys will be so close in age, as they can support each other a lot through their strange Guatemalan-British life.

Paulo now goes to a playgroup for 2 hours in the morning and I just about have time to get home and have a shower and write a few emails before going to collect him.  It is a messy house full of toys run by an ex-nanny Lisette.  Most of the other children are bi-lingual, so it is a good place for Paulo to be.  At the moment I imagine he must be thinking …everyone talks like this except Mummy who has her own funny language.  But he loves it there and the people who run it really love their job and the children.  Paulo is very sociable and independent and already quite well travelled having been to the UK twice, Amsterdam and Cuba.  There is a playground in Antigua that was built by the Lutheran church, we go down there sometimes in the afternoon, Paulo has a fanclub of all the local kids, no other parents to be seen of course, and often a little baby left in the charge of a 7 year old girl, her mother is probably not that much older!  Supervision can be a little fraught and I have to say …… woah easy sometimes …. as they try and cart him off to go down the really big slides!!

My group of international Mums include Fatima, a Guatemalan from the city who has a daughter 10 days older than Paulo, Heather a very laid back Californian married to a Guatemalan, who has a crazy 11 month boy Christopher, Afue, who is from the Ivory Coast who has a daughter with a Barcelonian, Katie, a British girl married to a Guatemalan who lives on a beautiful coffee Finca just outside Antigua. ( I take Paulo sometimes as he loves it – loads of dogs and horses).  Liz, a kiwi, who’s husband runs fishing tours off the pacific coast, has a two year old and pregnant again.  And various others that come along to our Thursday morning club.  We meet up in people’s houses or playgrounds.  Last week we went to another beautiful coffee finca that had a playground perched on top of a hill – very bad design – Paulo thought it was fantastic fun to roll down the hill at great speed and totally ignored the swings and slides.  Imagine me 8half months pregnant running after him – up and down, up and down trying to stop him from breaking his neck.

In November Las Cruces premiered on three big screens in the main plaza in Guatemala city the first night of the film festival and was very well received by all.  Some people were moved to tears and everybody told me that the film was very powerful and helped them understand some of the crazy things that happened in Guatemala in the 80’s.  I, unfortunately was not able to see this showing as 10 minutes before the start of the screening Paulo woke up screaming, 5 days later we discovered he had a Hernia.  So most of the evening I spent holding a screaming baby, trying politely to tell everyone that I really could not talk and trying to hide the vomit in my hair!  I knew something serious was up and the following week when Rafa was hardly around due to the film festival, it was really tough, he was in such a lot of pain.  Even though I mentioned that we had three hernia operations in my family it took a while for the diagnosis.  The surgeon was at school with Rafa and graduated from medical school with his sister and was really great, left Paulo with two tiny scars (both hernias and his appendix) and we are really happy to know such a great surgeon in Guatemala – we now have his mobile number.

I feel lucky that I do not have to rush back to work after 6 months and have time to enjoy Paulo and also have a lot of help in the house – which is the norm here.  We have a new maid Dona Judith who lives really close by.  Her husband works on the gate of the condo as security and I have met all of her 4 children.  They are a really good family and we are lucky to have found them.  She is great with Paulo and he loves her.  These last two months when I have been so big and pregnant, she has been a wonderful source of energy at play time as I cannot even get down to pick up his toys right now!!  She comes every day until 5 and gets all my fruit and veg from the market for me, cleans the house, helps with Paulo and does lots of chopping in the kitchen!  Everything Paulo eats is homemade as there are no organic baby foods here.  Hard to believe how much I do and make, when I was an ‘M&S meal for one’ girl, now I have domestic skills that Delia would be proud of!

My Spanish is improving as I speak it all day with Dona Judith, but my verbs are still a mess and I feel a  little embarrassed when some more sophisticated conversation is required as I am good at doing shopping lists and baby vocabulary but beyond that I start to struggle.  Paulo is speaking his own language at the moment – doesn’t seem to bear any relation to Spanish or English!

This year Casa Comal is just as busy although no first feature film!  Rafa has been asked by the Norwegian peace corp to join an advisory council for all their development projects and has already traveled to Kenya for the first meeting.  The next meeting is just after Nicolas is due to arrive, and takes place in the Philippines.  Rafa has already declined as he thinks it will be too stressful traveling all that way so close to the birth and the release of Las Cruces in the cinemas here.  Casa Comal is one of the few cultural projects that runs off donations from foreign organizations; the others are education, human rights and marine biology (in the Philippines!).

They are moving the office next month and hoping to open a film school, another first for Guatemala.  It will be a modest affair but hopefully the beginning of something good.  At the moment Rafa sends two Guatemalans to his old film school in Cuba every year.  This is the school founded by Garcia Marquez.  Rafa is very involved still with the school.  When we went to Cuba in May we went to visit.  The yearly intake is small but it is a very well rated course and very intense.  It is not for people who think it will be cool to go dancing in Cuba for a few years – it is very high-powered and comprehensive from what I could make out.  We spent a couple of days there and met students from all over Latin America and the world.

We have had a few visitors these last few months.  Dave a friend from London made it out last Christmas, Carlos, Rafa’s great friend from filmschool came to stay and shoot the film with him.  Monica another friend came from Columbia to help with the edit.  Some friends of friends from Hong Kong passed through.  My mother and John are nearly on their way again to be here for Nicolas’ arrival in a couple of weeks.  A couple of friends from BA are due to arrive on 10^th February, around the same time as Nicolas.  Now we have a big house with guestroom and 4 bathrooms (in the house not the guestroom!) ….. we are fully equipped for receiving guests but unfortunately most of my family and peers are rather busy having babies.  So all my footloose and fancy free friends get yourselves over here …. I will need some adult conversation.

Las Cruces is due to come out in cinemas here in March.  The latest copy has also been sent to a few film festivals in the hope of raising enough money to transfer it from digital to 35mm – a very expensive process which will cost almost as much as the whole production budget

Well, the volcanoes have been smoking a lot and Paulo experienced his first earth tremor today.  I think he realised it was something special …. But he will get a shock when little brother arrives in a few days ….

That’s it , I am rather appalled at my lack of writing ability so will send this now before I bore the pants off you!  IN fact finding it hard to string a sentence together generally at the moment in English or Spanish.

Keep in touch and send me some news if you have the time.

We are still thinking of having a wedding in Guatemala but probably when the boys are old enough for us to leave with Grandparents and try to have a honeymoon of some sort!  I have a dream to go to Brazil before we head back to Europe …… we’ll see.

Pregnant Postcards from the West ……………

I have been back in Guatemala 6 weeks now and it is nearly time for me to head back to Blighty for my brother´s wedding.  So much has happened in 6 weeks of this fast track intercontinental family. I thought I should get something down on paper.

Leaving the UK this time was harder and stranger than any of the other numerous times I have done it.  Being pregnant and having to pack up my whole life, rent my flat, store my things, send a shipment, make a will, re-organise my finances, have ultrasound scans and various doctors visits, get engaged and try to see as many family and friends as possible before leaving.  There were some mornings I woke up and feeling the growing bump in my tummy and remembering my new life, my heart jumped a beat and I wondered if I was crazy to be heading off to live in one of the most tragic and recovering countries in the world with a man I had known for a matter of weeks.  But the overriding feeling of calm and destiny meant that I always felt as though I was doing the right thing as well as Rafa’s daily emails of reassurance and love.

By the time I left I was so exhausted that it was a relief to check in my huge suitcase and get on the plane having said goodbye to family that morning and my niece who was heading for her first day of school.  I arrived in Guate with very swollen ankles, a dodgy haircut thanks to some random man at Tony and Guy in Ealing …. but a very excited heart.  The sun was still shining as we climbed out of Guatemala City to Rafa’s cabin in San Lucas with Rafa stealing glances at the rather more curvaceous woman than the one he had left in London two months before.

This time of year is the rainy season in Guatemala which means that no matter how sunny it seems you cannot leave the house without an umbrella, cos when it rains it rains.  The first thing we did was to buy me a brand new car, a little black Fiat Palio which means I have been able to get around when Rafa is at work.  Getting on the chicken buses when pregnant is really not advisable.  I did it a couple of times before the car was delivered and it left me shaking at the side of the road.

It was strange but nice to hook up with a few of the old Antigua crowd although I slightly had the feeling you have when you go back to your university town and everything is different, probably more in your life than in the town itself.  There are still the same art openings, music concerts in beautiful ruins and never-ending passage of tourists and language students.  Antigua is a beautiful world heritage site with cobbled streets, jacarandas and three beautiful volcanoes looking over, but does have the downside of small town living which neither of us really fit into.

After getting the car, finding a doctor through Rafa’s parents and sister (all Doctors!) who would do the ultrasound for us was the next task, and two days after arriving we knew we were having a little boy who seems healthy and average in all respects.  Average is such a nice word when you are pregnant!  So now we are searching for a name which is proving to be much more difficult than we ever imagined.  Everything I like in English, Rafa doesn’t like in Spanish and vice versa.  I want him to have a British and a Latin name so he can switch identities with his passport if he wants.  Since Rafa came home one day with Derek as a suggestion, I have been rather more serious about finding a name.  At the moment Dylan Pablo Rosal is his working title!  But all may change tomorrow.

I contacted the British Embassy here and having a British mother and being born in Guatemala means that he will automatically get both passports.  We will probably do a legal wedding soon as it means that I can start applying for my residency here, meaning that I am not living on a tourist visa and can get a job, a bank account, a driving licence etc.  Although be warned we are thinking about a wedding in Guatemala in February/March 2006 when the BA flights are half the price and the sun is shining in Antigua.  We would organise trips to Atitlan and Tikal too for those who wanted it – so it would be a fantastic holiday all round.

We escaped to lake Atitlan on the second weekend I was here ………. Which was fantastic.  It was a full moon so the evenings were bright with the reflection on the water.  We swam and ate and lay in hammocks in the gardens of my friends’ hotel and I felt relaxed for the first time in weeks.  We reflected on how much we had done in the last few months and how this little baby chose to keep us together. Someone told us that Atitlan is known as the belly button of the world which made a lot of sense to me in my present state.  It really is a magical place and the drive up there through the green, patchwork, and flower-covered mountains part of the trip.

House hunting had been a tougher task than we envisaged as we need three bedrooms, a big garden for the 2 dogs and a fireplace and bathtub for me.  Imagine having a baby with no bath tub, its just culturally unfeasible for me!!  We heard about a place for a really good price that is owned by two French doctors who have returned to France we cannot get hold of them and have been peeking through the fence to see if we can see it – I want to get Interpol onto it but I suppose they have better things to be doing.  In the meantime we were shown another fantastic but expensive property which means that we will have a beautiful house for people to come and stay but no money to go out!  Which may be fine when we have a baby as we won’t exactly be out clubbing every night.  The garden is huge and landscaped with fruit trees, beautiful lawns and hydrangeas.  The house comes with a gardener who also helps with cleaning, fire lighting, gate opening as well as security.  It has a dishwasher, great views and en suite bathrooms in all the bedrooms.  We have to make a decision by Friday and Rafa will move while I am back in London.

After much deliberation we have finally decided where to have the baby and I should be meeting with my doctor this week.  Rafa’s family all have insurance with the Spanish hospital in the city and it means we can join the Spanish club with its restaurants, gardens and swimming pool.  At the moment swimming is the only thing that helps me sleep at night.  I am trying to do pregnancy Yoga but finding it a bit tricky to remember the movements, breathing and hold the book.  My French friend Bertrand has told me about a Greek girl Stella who has just moved out here from London and married a Guatemalan.  She is running Yoga courses in the city.

Rafa’s family have been so kind and welcoming to me and really want me to feel part of the family.  I met a lot of the cousins at a birthday party the other week.  Rafa is the youngest so they are all in their late forties, high powered but terribly unassuming.  Two of them had just retired and had motorcycled to Patagonia and back!  They are all very excited about the baby and told me I have to have a baby shower.  Baby showers are an American invention where you have a party about a month before you have the baby and everybody buys you presents.  Seems a bit greedy to me but I’ll go along with the tradition!

A couple of documentary makers from California came down to visit.  Rafa made a documentary with them about woman guerrillas after the peace agreement was signed in 97.  They were all very involved with the organisation that Rafa’s family were all with during the war and there was a big get-together organised at Rafa’s sisters.  Everyone talked about the old days back in the early eighties when they were trying to stop the genocide and they all had code names in the resistance movement.  Coming from a country where most people can’t be bothered to vote, it is so strange to think that these gentle, intellectual people were risking their lives for their ideals and others.  There was lots of whisky and tequila being drunk and lots of emotional toasts to all those who helped the Guatemalan cause from overseas.

At this point Rafa disappeared into the garden to have a cigarette and later told me that he gets uncomfortable when people get nostalgic because the real tragedy is that the war was never won and Guatemala is still a country of great divides and racism.  As we were leaving one of the Californians told me that I must not repeat anything I had heard that day!  As I had spent most of the day feeling fat and pregnant trying to follow the Spanish, nursing my one glass of wine suddenly I felt like Miss Clandestino.  I think it was more of a reflection on the society that they live in than anything else.  How sad that the land of the free has changed so much and people feel scared to voice their opinions, even on things which happened 20 years ago in other countries.  They were good people these Californians and I felt quite sorry for them.

Last week as Rafa had a huge piece of work to finish, I took off with my friend Amalia for a couple of days on the Pacific to swim in the sea and eat fish.  It was my first real adventure in the car and Rafa made me promise to call every 5 hours.  The drive down from the mountains took a couple of hours.  We stopped to buy lots of coconuts on the way and then found a cheap little guest house right on the beach.  It was nice to take the baby into the pacific for the first time as apparently he can hear a lot of things now….crashing waves etc.

Rafa has been writing a huge book that will be published and presented in a couple of weeks.  It is on the present state of art and culture in Guatemala and was a huge team research event with Rafa pulling together all the results at the end to write a discussion and conclusion.  It will be presented to various ministries, NGOs and embassies in a couple of weeks time.  He is also trying to find some funding to create a new art and film college in Guatemala city to help restore some life to the historical centre and to establish a national facility.  They have had some good meetings with the mayor and they have also heard that the airport will be moving from the city down to the pacific plain leaving this land open to construct the city’s first park.  Guatemala city is a sprawling mess, damaged by war and earthquakes but as time goes by I am discovering that this monster does hide some beautiful bits and things can only improve.  I have driven in a few times now but I am always happy to escape back up to the green mountains.  And have definitely vetoed living in the city.

The Norwegian Embassy sponsors Rafa’s company Casacomal and next week one of their major supporters is heading back to Norway after seven years.  Her replacement Hilde is pregnant and has brought her husband to look after the baby.  Another Norwegian diplomat we met is married to a French guy who is also house husband to their 11 month old boy ………. So it looks as though I will be able to hang out with the boys and the babies.  Gury is having a big leaving party next week at Casacomal – she is an amazing woman who rescued Casacomal when they were struggling financially 4 years ago.

Rafa has now done all the casting for his film which, all things going to plan, he will start shooting in March when I am back in Blighty with Bambino.  A lot of the characters are Mayan.  La Casa de Enfrente (the first film) has been distributed all over central America down to Panama and seems to be doing quite well.  Everyone in Guatemala knows the film and even if it is not their cup of tea they are proud and surprised that a film was made by Guatemalans about Guatemala.  Casacomal also runs the only Guatemalan film festival in November when I will be enormous!

There is a Japanese cultural festival on in the city at the moment and we went to see a wonderful pianist accompanied by the Guatemalan Sinfonica.  The Japanese give more money to Guatemala than any other nation except the US and donated all the instruments to the Sinfonica. They feel a strong ethnic affinity with the Mayan people which is strange but touching.

Considering everything, Rafa and I are finding it quite easy to live together so far and he has done everything to make my life here as comfortable as possible.  Of course I have days when I miss Europe and the crazy chaos of Guatemala gets too much for me.  I miss my family and friends but know that my place is here with Rafa and our new family and although things are and will always be complicated we are doing pretty well so far …….

We have found our dream piece of land to build our house which has the best view of Agua volcano …………

So I am back to Blighty on September 2^nd for 3 weeks so maybe catch-up with a few people in London and at my brother’s wedding.

I arrived back from London feeling as though I had been away for so long.  The flight was great, empty planes, no queues, polite stewards, 3 good films …… and no swollen ankles.  God bless British Airways – may I never get rerouted onto Iberia again!  I was relieved that that was my last flight and now I am here until the baby is born.  It was strange to think that next time I am on a plane I will have a little baby.

The rainy season is still upon us but the countryside looks green.  It was dark when we got back so I couldn’t see all the improvements Rafa had made but the house looks a bit like a hippy who has had a haircut!  A little bit bald and shocked!  Rafa had bought a chain saw and attacked the garden while I was away.  He is still wincing as he passes one of the tree stumps which is ‘bleeding’.  My compassion does not extend to the tree; I am just delighted to have the sun on my patio.

Rafa had his 44^th Birthday when I got back and we met up with his family in Antigua for lunch at my friend Tetzeta’s restaurant.  I had bought him a lambswool jumper and a great book called ‘Watching the English’ by Kate Fox.  He sits in bed chuckling over the stereotypes that I adhere to, with me denying them vehemently.  One of the codes she calls ‘the importance of not being earnest’.  Which is so true – we do hate people who take themselves too seriously.

I am getting into serious nesting mode and feel quite anxious that everything must be ready in time for Zucchini’s arrival.  We are still waiting for my shipment to be delivered.  I have forgotten what I put in those 4 Tea chests – it will be like Christmas come early.  And have a carpenter and painter arriving next week, now that I am back to supervise them in my bad Spanish.

We have had cable broadband installed so I now feel very connected and can play all the radio stations on line.  Today I have been listening to BBC world service and Radio Nova from Paris!  Rafa has bought a digital camera and I am trying to find a DVD film club to download some European films.  It s amazing what facilities we have in our little shack on the mountain.  Also have found out about telephoning the UK through the internet – much much cheaper – a company called Sky PE for those of you spread around the world.  Have yet to test it out.

Guatemala Drug facts

I discovered the other day that Guatemala is the 4^th biggest supplier of heroin paste.  The poor peasants started growing it during the war, encouraged by the army/government as it stopped them becoming guerrillas.  Most of it is grown on the highest volcano towards the Mexican border and Rafa says they mix it in with the corn fields.  I was imagining ‘Wizard of Oz’ type poppy fields but it is a mini golden triangle.  Guatemala is not high enough for cocaine production apparently but a lot of trafficking happens.  Maruana is mainly grown around lake Atitlan.

Rafa’s meeting of old friend and the baby monkey

After a visit to the Doctor in the city we decided to go and grab some lunch in the old centre in Zone one.  Zone one is a fascinating part of the city full of character and characters but …. It is not a place you would go after dark and certainly not on your own as there are too many prostitutes, drugs and guns.  We parked the car near the palace and headed to an old traditional Spanish restaurant.  As soon as we sat down Rafa started to look very uncomfortable, he told me …. on the table behind is one of my oldest friends, we were guerrillas together during the war and covered each other in extreme situations.  But he later joined the opposition (the Hitleresque Rios Mont) and became a senior official.  We could see their bodyguard at the back of the restaurant.  Seeing him again brought back all those feelings of betrayal so common in a civil war, it was almost as though he had seen an ex-girlfriend.  Rafa felt extra uncomfortable as one of the characters in his film is based on this old friend and he knows he will recognise himself.  When we got up to leave, he came over to wish us congratulations on the baby and told me with such sincerity that I had found a really good man and father for my child – adding more pathos to an already difficult situation.  We walked back to the car feeling sad and philosophical and as Rafa was collecting the car keys from the valet, I spotted what I thought was a black cat on an office balcony – I walked across to investigate and found that it was a black baby monkey.  The people inside the office shouted out ‘se vende’ – he’s for sale.  This little thing was so human and looked at me with pleading big sad eyes and reached his hand out to me.  It was heart breaking.  Rafa dragged me away .. they were selling it for over ₤100, our dogs would have attacked it, we have no idea what diseases it was carrying and we have a baby on the way.  All sensible responses but I will never forget it’s pleading eyes.  The poachers take them from the national parks in Peten and Rio Dulce and sell them for big profits.

&&&&&&&&&

My shipment finally arrived through Excess Baggage.  They charged us $300 to get it out of the pound.  I will never ship anything here again – they had gone through all my things and thrown them back in the box it was like being burgled.  They had treated everything with utter disrespect.  All my framed pictures were smashed and clothes were covered in dirt obviously dumped on the dirty floors of the port.  Photography books were bent and soiled. I’m sure lots of things were missing but can’t remember yet – will need to check my boxes in Ealing to see what is lost for ever.  But at least I have a few of my home comforts around me.  Silly things like my favourite saucepan, my onion chopper, duvets (!) and real china mugs as well as useful lamps and my stereo.

We now have hot water throughout the house and have painted every room except the kitchen.  A very hard working evangelical came and built a wardrobe in the spare bedroom and cupboards in the kitchen.  My friend Bertrand came and helped me with the garden on his day off from the gallery.  As he wouldn’t let me lift or bend I ended up rather lamely watering with the hose and my watering can while he laboured.  But I did reward him with rabbit in Dijon sauce for lunch.

September is the worst month in Guatemala, or in San Lucas definitely.  It has rained and rained and feels more like Manchester than Central America.  I have been begging Rafa to take me to the Finca where it never rains but he has been too busy with the film festival and Las Cruces (his film to be shot in March).  He still hasn’t raised all the money and the Norwegian embassy have just informed us that Casa Comal will get the same money as last year.  Rafa was hoping for a payrise and a little more money for the film so was a bit crushed.  Anyone have any clever fundraising ideas for Cultural projects in the third world – let us know!!

The baby shower

It is the tradition in Guatemala to have a baby shower, which means you organise a party, usually all women and everyone brings presents or nappies for the baby.  Rafa’s sister organised one for us with all the family.  It was Friday night and Rafa got stuck in traffic so I ended up hosting it in my bad Spanish. Everyone brought lovely presents and one cousin brought a bin bag full of her baby things and a smart push chair.  Rafa’s parents and sister bought us a ‘vestidor’ or changing station.  We told everyone we have at last both agreed on a name …. Paulo …. Which is neither Spanish or Italian but Portugese … or Brasilian in this part of the world.  He can be Paul if he want to anglicise it and Pablo if he wants to be Hispanic.  Rafa’s family is full of women, probably why he is such an unmacho latino – no chance with all these bright women around him.  He was always the baby boy of the family and it looks as though Paulo will be the same.

Casa Comal also organised a baby shower for us and we were given a couple of hundred nappies!  It was a fun evening until I went out to my car and discovered the bastards has stolen my stereo.  The following week I had a baby shower for my little circle of friends in Antigua, just Amalia her mum and dad, Arturo and Lucrecia, Fede, Bertrand, Heather who is due 3 months after me, and Tetzete, my beautiful Ethiopian friend. We sat on the roof of Panza Verde and watched the amazing sunset eating French chocolate cake and supping my Darjeeling tea!

On being pregnant

I think from reading the books I have been very fortunate …. No major weight gain, no varicous veins, no swollen ankles, no water retention, no nausea, no stretch marks, no radical skin changes, no bleeding gums, no hemaroids (sp?).  Just been feeling more tired and had heartburn like I never knew existed … acid crawling right up the back of my throat.  Oh and don’t feel too dynamic, can’t read anything too demanding and imagining that I will read these ramblings later and wonder what I was on!  Only 3 weeks to go, although the doctor thinks we should work on the basis he is arriving around 10^th not 17^th November – so still a Scorpio.  The hospital has a water facility and you give birth in the same room as you labour.  Our doctor stays for the whole labour (and charges the same amount for natural birth as caesarean, very important in the private sector!) and Rafa’s uncle will be there at the end as he is our paediatrician.  We have done the antenatal classes and seen the video.  At the moment the birth is an all male affair, I’m still trying to decide whether to take another women.  There will be nurses in the hospital and I think there are enough people at the party at the moment.  I can just see me losing it and shouting at the men saying ‘shut the xxxx up, you’ve no idea what this feels like’.  We are allowed to take music, cups of tea, food, candles, cushions and a barber shop quartet if we so desire!  I have banned any type of photography until I am feeling suitably serene and have had chance to put some mascara on …… so it could be weeks after the birth.

Our Paediatrician

Juan Jose is Rafa’s uncle, he is 75 and has 6 children and probably four times as many grandchildren.  Both families were very close when they were all younger and spent summers at the Finca together.  His daughters have been very kind to me.  He is one of the most experienced paediatricians in Guatemala and certainly very active.  He was kidnapped by the evil evangelical Rios Montt in the 80’s and only saved when the US sent a senate group to demand his release.  Unfortunately Rafa’s brother was not so lucky.  So he is a bit of a legend Juan Jose and has a kind intelligent face.  I am confident that little Paulo will be safe in his hands!

The rave

Casa Comal used to organise a dance party in a castle 40 kms from Guatemala City in the early days before the film side took off.  Now it is organised by one of the people who used to work for them and is sponsored by Heineken.  The castle is not really a castle but a house built by an eccentric.  Everyone goes and camps for the night or drives back to the city the next day.  Although I was curious to see what it was like and they had some big international DJs, it was still the rainy season, too slippy and too far away for me to drive home early.  I insisted Rafa went, but couldn’t resist asking if he was the oldest raver there?  Which he acknowledged he probably was.

Fede, a friend from Italy arrived on 16^th October.  She came and stayed with us for the weekend before heading into Antigua.  She is teaching at a little school just outside Antigua, part of a Dutch project. Quite a change after spending 13 years in London working in the city and in shipping.  It was lovely to have her stay and keep me company.  We stayed home and ate lots of delicious food and caught up with all our news.  On Sunday we went into Antigua for lunch and put up film festival posters.

The Icaro Film Festival (www.festival icaro.com)

The festival opened last Thursday in the National Theatre with a ceremony and a premier of a Guatemalan film followed by a cocktail outside and performance by the national dance company.  Fede and I drove down and got lost in the middle of the city during rush hour.  We could see the theatre which is huge and sits on a hill above the city but could not get to it, as usual there were no signposts and the traffic was terrible.  In the end, when we found ourselves driving through the middle of the bus depot and the market, Fede jumped out the car and asked a taxi to lead us there.  We arrived in time to meet a very nervous Rafa outside.  He and Elias were giving the welcome speech and introducing the Minister of Culture and the Norwegian Embassador.  As usual the Norwegians were heavily involved with the sponsorship and you can always spot them in the theatre as they are so tall and blonde compared with everyone else.

Casa Comal had made an introductory video with a countdown showing Icaro flying down from Lake Atitlan to the city not to miss all the films – it was really good.  The film that followed was all filmed in Peten – the wild jungle north of Guatemala – and had some beautiful scenery, competent acting but was a little bit slow.  It was a screen play written and directed by a novelist – and it showed.  Lots of friends and family were there and I said hello to everyone.  Fede and I left after the dance show and one glass of Coke for me.  I was exhausted after the stress of the drive down and happy to leave early.  Rafa stayed down in the city in a hotel as he partied until 8am with all the film people.

I arrived back from London feeling as though I had been away for so long.  The flight was great, empty planes, no queues, polite stewards, 3 good films …… and no swollen ankles.  God bless British Airways – may I never get rerouted onto Iberia again!  I was relieved that that was my last flight and now I am here until the baby is born.  It was strange to think that next time I am on a plane I will have a little baby.

The rainy season is still upon us but the countryside looks green.  It was dark when we got back so I couldn’t see all the improvements Rafa had made but the house looks a bit like a hippy who has had a haircut!  A little bit bald and shocked!  Rafa had bought a chain saw and attacked the garden while I was away.  He is still wincing as he passes one of the tree stumps which is ‘bleeding’.  My compassion does not extend to the tree; I am just delighted to have the sun on my patio.

Rafa had his 44^th Birthday when I got back and we met up with his family in Antigua for lunch at my friend Tetzeta’s restaurant.  I had bought him a lambswool jumper and a great book called ‘Watching the English’ by Kate Fox.  He sits in bed chuckling over the stereotypes that I adhere to, with me denying them vehemently.  One of the codes she calls ‘the importance of not being earnest’.  Which is so true – we do hate people who take themselves too seriously.

I am getting into serious nesting mode and feel quite anxious that everything must be ready in time for Zucchini’s arrival.  We are still waiting for my shipment to be delivered.  I have forgotten what I put in those 4 Tea chests – it will be like Christmas come early.  And have a carpenter and painter arriving next week, now that I am back to supervise them in my bad Spanish.

We have had cable broadband installed so I now feel very connected and can play all the radio stations on line.  Today I have been listening to BBC world service and Radio Nova from Paris!  Rafa has bought a digital camera and I am trying to find a DVD film club to download some European films.  It s amazing what facilities we have in our little shack on the mountain.  Also have found out about telephoning the UK through the internet – much much cheaper – a company called Sky PE for those of you spread around the world.  Have yet to test it out.

Guatemala Drug facts

I discovered the other day that Guatemala is the 4^th biggest supplier of heroin paste.  The poor peasants started growing it during the war, encouraged by the army/government as it stopped them becoming guerrillas.  Most of it is grown on the highest volcano towards the Mexican border and Rafa says they mix it in with the corn fields.  I was imagining ‘Wizard of Oz’ type poppy fields but it is a mini golden triangle.  Guatemala is not high enough for cocaine production apparently but a lot of trafficking happens.  Maruana is mainly grown around lake Atitlan.

Rafa’s meeting of old friend and the baby monkey

After a visit to the Doctor in the city we decided to go and grab some lunch in the old centre in Zone one.  Zone one is a fascinating part of the city full of character and characters but …. It is not a place you would go after dark and certainly not on your own as there are too many prostitutes, drugs and guns.  We parked the car near the palace and headed to an old traditional Spanish restaurant.  As soon as we sat down Rafa started to look very uncomfortable, he told me …. on the table behind is one of my oldest friends, we were guerrillas together during the war and covered each other in extreme situations.  But he later joined the opposition (the Hitleresque Rios Mont) and became a senior official.  We could see their bodyguard at the back of the restaurant.  Seeing him again brought back all those feelings of betrayal so common in a civil war, it was almost as though he had seen an ex-girlfriend.  Rafa felt extra uncomfortable as one of the characters in his film is based on this old friend and he knows he will recognise himself.  When we got up to leave, he came over to wish us congratulations on the baby and told me with such sincerity that I had found a really good man and father for my child – adding more pathos to an already difficult situation.  We walked back to the car feeling sad and philosophical and as Rafa was collecting the car keys from the valet, I spotted what I thought was a black cat on an office balcony – I walked across to investigate and found that it was a black baby monkey.  The people inside the office shouted out ‘se vende’ – he’s for sale.  This little thing was so human and looked at me with pleading big sad eyes and reached his hand out to me.  It was heart breaking.  Rafa dragged me away .. they were selling it for over ₤100, our dogs would have attacked it, we have no idea what diseases it was carrying and we have a baby on the way.  All sensible responses but I will never forget it’s pleading eyes.  The poachers take them from the national parks in Peten and Rio Dulce and sell them for big profits.

&&&&&&&&&

My shipment finally arrived through Excess Baggage.  They charged us $300 to get it out of the pound.  I will never ship anything here again – they had gone through all my things and thrown them back in the box it was like being burgled.  They had treated everything with utter disrespect.  All my framed pictures were smashed and clothes were covered in dirt obviously dumped on the dirty floors of the port.  Photography books were bent and soiled. I’m sure lots of things were missing but can’t remember yet – will need to check my boxes in Ealing to see what is lost for ever.  But at least I have a few of my home comforts around me.  Silly things like my favourite saucepan, my onion chopper, duvets (!) and real china mugs as well as useful lamps and my stereo.

We now have hot water throughout the house and have painted every room except the kitchen.  A very hard working evangelical came and built a wardrobe in the spare bedroom and cupboards in the kitchen.  My friend Bertrand came and helped me with the garden on his day off from the gallery.  As he wouldn’t let me lift or bend I ended up rather lamely watering with the hose and my watering can while he laboured.  But I did reward him with rabbit in Dijon sauce for lunch.

September is the worst month in Guatemala, or in San Lucas definitely.  It has rained and rained and feels more like Manchester than Central America.  I have been begging Rafa to take me to the Finca where it never rains but he has been too busy with the film festival and Las Cruces (his film to be shot in March).  He still hasn’t raised all the money and the Norwegian embassy have just informed us that Casa Comal will get the same money as last year.  Rafa was hoping for a payrise and a little more money for the film so was a bit crushed.  Anyone have any clever fundraising ideas for Cultural projects in the third world – let us know!!

The baby shower

It is the tradition in Guatemala to have a baby shower, which means you organise a party, usually all women and everyone brings presents or nappies for the baby.  Rafa’s sister organised one for us with all the family.  It was Friday night and Rafa got stuck in traffic so I ended up hosting it in my bad Spanish. Everyone brought lovely presents and one cousin brought a bin bag full of her baby things and a smart push chair.  Rafa’s parents and sister bought us a ‘vestidor’ or changing station.  We told everyone we have at last both agreed on a name …. Paulo …. Which is neither Spanish or Italian but Portugese … or Brasilian in this part of the world.  He can be Paul if he want to anglicise it and Pablo if he wants to be Hispanic.  Rafa’s family is full of women, probably why he is such an unmacho latino – no chance with all these bright women around him.  He was always the baby boy of the family and it looks as though Paulo will be the same.  Rafa’s family are all so excited about this baby and he think he will be spoilt by lots of older female cousins!

Casa Comal also organised a baby shower for us and we were given a couple of hundred nappies!  It was a fun evening until I went out to my car and discovered the bastards has stolen my stereo.  The following week I had a baby shower for my little circle of friends in Antigua, just Amalia her mum and dad, Arturo and Lucrecia, Fede, Bertrand, Heather who is due 3 months after me, and Tetzete, my beautiful Ethiopian friend. We sat on the roof of Panza Verde and watched the amazing sunset eating French chocolate cake and supping my Darjeeling tea!

On being pregnant

I think from reading the books I have been very fortunate …. No major weight gain, no varicous veins, no swollen ankles, no water retention, no nausea, no stretch marks, no radical skin changes, no bleeding gums, no hemaroids (sp?).  Just been feeling more tired and had heartburn like I never knew existed … acid crawling right up the back of my throat.  Oh and don’t feel too dynamic, can’t read anything too demanding and imagining that I will read these ramblings later and wonder what I was on!  Only 3 weeks to go, although the doctor thinks we should work on the basis he is arriving around 10^th not 17^th November – so still a Scorpio.  The hospital has a water facility and you give birth in the same room as you labour.  Our doctor stays for the whole labour (and charges the same amount for natural birth as caesarean, very important in the private sector!) and Rafa’s uncle will be there at the end as he is our paediatrician.  We have done the antenatal classes and seen the video.  At the moment the birth is an all male affair, I’m still trying to decide whether to take another women.  There will be nurses in the hospital and I think there are enough people at the party at the moment.  I can just see me losing it and shouting at the men saying ‘shut the xxxx up, you’ve no idea what this feels like’.  We are allowed to take music, cups of tea, food, candles, cushions and a barber shop quartet if we so desire!  I have banned any type of photography until I am feeling suitably serene and have had chance to put some mascara on …… so it could be weeks after the birth.

Our Paediatrician

Juan Jose is Rafa’s uncle, he is 75 and has 6 children and probably four times as many grandchildren.  Both families were very close when they were all younger and spent summers at the Finca together.  His daughters have been very kind to me.  He is one of the most experienced paediatricians in Guatemala and certainly very active.  He was kidnapped by the evil evangelical Rios Montt in the 80’s and only saved when the US sent a senate group to demand his release.  Unfortunately Rafa’s brother was not so lucky.  So he is a bit of a legend Juan Jose and has a kind intelligent face.  I am confident that little Paulo will be safe in his hands!

The rave

Casa Comal used to organise a dance party in a castle 40 kms from Guatemala City in the early days before the film side took off.  Now it is organised by one of the people who used to work for them and is sponsored by Heineken.  The castle is not really a castle but a house built by an eccentric.  Everyone goes and camps for the night or drives back to the city the next day.  Although I was curious to see what it was like and they had some big international DJs, it was still the rainy season, too slippy and too far away for me to drive home early.  I insisted Rafa went, but couldn’t resist asking if he was the oldest raver there?  Which he acknowledged he probably was.

Fede, a friend from Italy arrived on 16^th October.  She came and stayed with us for the weekend before heading into Antigua.  She is teaching at a little school just outside Antigua, part of a Dutch project. Quite a change after spending 13 years in London working in the city and in shipping.  It was lovely to have her stay and keep me company.  We stayed home and ate lots of delicious food and caught up with all our news.  On Sunday we went into Antigua for lunch and put up film festival posters.

More pregnant postcards from the west …….

Today,I received 3 emails from friends in Buenos Aires.  One of them has moved to San Francisco because things got too dangerous for her in BA.  Since the economic crash things have been a little lawless and there is a lot of tension.  Elisa comes from a very wealthy family and has lived out of Argentina a lot as one of her uncles was kidnapped a few years ago.  Even when I was walking around Palermo with her (the Notting Hill of BA) she asked that I didn’t speak English in the street as she was paranoid about attracting attention to herself.  One night in June their house was broken into by 3 armed men.  They gave them all their cash and left but her two young children witnessed everything and that was enough for her. They basically left their home that night.

Rafa called me to say he had managed to get an appointment with a doctor and could I come into the city at 4.30.  I finished my notes and left in the pouring rain for Casacomal and got stuck in a traffic jam.  Finally arriving at the clinic, I suddenly got a really bad feeling.  I met the Doctor and his English was not good at all.  I also discovered that the private hospitals here do not use midwives.  For me the thought of having a doctor only birth is unthinkable – I want to be in the cosy capable hands of an experienced female midwife.  This doctor was a kind man but it is not the kind of option I want – a medical birth.  I will approach things as though I will have a fully natural birth and if things go wrong then I will take the ………. give me loads of painkillers and cut me open route that is oh so popular in the medical world.

As we left the clinic I was relieved to hear that Rafa agreed with me and we decided to look for a midwife and a doctor who works with midwives.  Here in Guatemala 70% of births are performed by midwives but this is only within the indigenous Maya communities.  It seems that the ‘rich whites’ want to distance themselves from this option and go for a medical approach in an expensive hospital.  Whilst I am certainly not brave enough to have a traditional maya birth neither did I want the other sort.

I got on the internet and read about an organisation in Antigua called www.midwivesformidwives.org.  It is run as a charitable project set up by an American lady, who works with the locals to share knowledge and provide training and support to the Guatemalan midwives.  They also run a clinic and birth centre with a full library of books in English and Spanish.  I met the woman who runs the centre and was assigned a German midwife called Cornelia who seems efficient and capable.  They have a doctor that they use in the city and also I was given the name of a doctor who was trained in the UK who I will meet this coming Tuesday.  Rafa and I will sign up for our antenatal classes on 3 Saturdays in October when I get back from London.

Last Friday was Gury’s leaving party (Casacomal’s contact to the Norwegian embassy) and I drove into Guate to Rafa’s sister’s house to go to Casacomal with them.  Casacomal had been decorated, there were smartly dressed waiters serving drinks and a band playing in the front room.  There were various embassy people there including the Swedish Ambassador and also the usual Casacomal crew.  There were some emotional toasts, everyone is sad that Gury is returning to Norway, she has been a very special person for Guatemala and culture and arts.  I managed to last until 1am but was almost asleep on my feet when we ‘snuck’ off home.

We met two British hairdresser’s (Gury’s hairdressers) who were from Scunthorpe and North Yorkshire.  One of them had been living in Guatemala for 10 years with his girlfriend.  They were nice Northern lads and I promised to come in to get my haircut next time.  They seem to party a lot in the city and it was interesting to hear about all the things they get up to.  I had no idea there were so many underground parties!

The next morning we took a decision on the expensive house.  After a week of trying to count our pennies and being frugal we decided that neither of us were very good at it , and also we had no idea of what unexpected baby costs may come our way.  They made the decision easier for us by telling us they had plans to build houses and a Spanish school in the garden.  Not our idea of the peaceful idyllic paradise that we were willing to sacrifice much of our disposable income for!!  Also I know that two trips a year to London are not going to be cheap.  So we are still waiting to hear about the French house and have put an advertisement in the newspaper for others.

On Saturday, Rafa and I decided to go to La Finca in Zacapa.  Rafa’s family have had this farm for years but during the war when they kidnapped (and ultimately killed) his brother.  I think for the family the farm has become a symbol of their survival.  Rafa was the first person to go back there after the war and he said he really did not know what he was going to find left.  Zacapa is to the east of Guatemala city, a couple of hours drive.  It is much lower – 200m as opposed to the 2067m of San Lucas.  The climate is hot and dry, and the area was settled by middle class Spaniards with smaller farms unlike the large plantations of the richer, landowning families.  You can see how the Spaniards would have liked this climate, which is much more like the Mediterranean in the summer.  There is a wonderful swimming pool filled by a mountain stream in the shade of the almond trees and some farm dogs to keep us company.  We had a lovely time relaxing by the pool with Rafa’s parents, lying in hammocks and drinking fresh coco water (my only pregnancy craving so far!).  There is a lady who sells coconuts on the road into Antigua.  She is not always there, I can’t express how disappointed I am when she is not!

Monday

This morning Rafa went to pick up the moses basket for Zucchini (pre-birth name for our baby, a long story connected to a strange pregnant dream!) and a rocking chair for me.  I know it seems a bit ‘sad’ but I have always wanted a rocking chair and have romantic ideas of rocking my baby to sleep by the fire.  San Lucas is the centre of wicker furniture and hand made wooden furniture so we are well placed for all things.  We also found a great second hand furniture shop in the city where they sell a crazy selection of new and antique furniture at very cheap prices.

Tuesday

Today we found our Doctor at last.   He was trained in the UK (Glasgow in the 80s, probably a shock for a young Guatemalan thinking he was coming to the first world!), has worked a lot with midwives and spoke good enough English to make me feel reassured.  He also had been taught by Rafa’s father in his youth.  We saw Zucchini again on the ultrasound.  He was moving around a lot which is always pleasing and apparently his brain is developing well.  Rafa was proud to hear that he will be taller than the average Guatemalan!  Not surprising with his Giant Nordic mother!  I think Rafa has thoughts of being beaten up by a giant son ……

I met up with my friend Amalia for lunch in the city and we explored a few shops.  That evening we all went along to Rafa’s presentation of his publication ‘Arte Urbano’ which was in the Tea House of the Zoo.  A really beautiful pavilion.  They had a string quartet playing and guests invited from NGO’s, ministeries, embassies and the artistic community.  The heavens opened and it was pouring with rain and also there was a young writers competition at one of the banks the same night.  Enough people came though and the music was lovely – partly because I have never seen musicians who beamed with joy as much as these four!  They seemed delighted just to be holding their instruments.  Afterwards we drove to Antigua for a celebratory supper.  I was asleep before my head hit the pillow that night.  I sometimes forget that I am pregnant!

Thursday

My transcribed tapes from my Buenos Aires interviews have finally come back and I am really hoping that I can now get all my interviews analysed and my article written before the baby is born!  Things have become a little difficult for me in Guatemala to write about film as Rafa and Casa Comal are so fundamental to the Guatemalan film industry that it will seem I am promoting my husband in an unbiased fashion – which I probably would be ……   Maybe I can write a piece about Casacomal and relate it to some of the other activity here.

Saturday

After hearing nothing on any of the houses we decided to stay where we are for 6 months as we know it, it is very cheap ($220 a month) and we are in the area we want.  This means that while I am in London we will have all the trees that have grown too close to the house chopped down to let in more light, we will have the whole house painted inside and out and install a central water heater.

The Tacuazinas!

In our roof we have some uninvited guests.  TO me they remain a bit of a mystery as I have never heard of these animals nor ever seen one.  AT the moment we are residing together, due to a rather uneasy tolerance on my part.  They scuttle around like a busy family of,I would guess, around 15/20.  I have warned them that if they show their faces their deaths will be more imminent.  Rafa’s ‘respect for all living things’ can stretch my definition of this.  I have been told by other friends that if I ever saw one of these things I would put a contract out for their killing immediately as they are spectacularly ugly.  They are black and white with ratlike tails, beaver teeth and rear their many babies in their pouches being mini-marsupials. (Since the ‘killing’ of the trees, they have evacuated the site except for one, who maybe was sleeping when they all jumped ship.  He/she must be lonely up there!)

I think Rafa is nervous that I will not come back and opt to have the baby in London, which is often tempting when we keep paying the Doctor’s bills.  However for me to be in London for 4 months and Rafa for 1 month would cost us a lot more!  Being director of Casa Comal means that he can’t take too much time off.  At the moment he is preparing the ‘carpet’ documents for his film ‘Las Cruces’ and still needs to raise half the money.  He will be flying to Panama for the opening of ‘La Casa de Enfrente’ the same day I go to London and also will be going to Norway in October for a film festival, which is frustratingly close to Duncan and Lisa’s wedding.  He was due to go to Cuba for the film festival there in December but that seems unlikely with Zucchini due mid to late November.  ‘La Casa de Enfrente’  has been invited to around 15 festivals and even has a fanbase in Vancouver.

The rainy season is at its worst point at the moment and up in the mountains it feels like an English summer!  So I shan’t have the tan I was hoping for on my return.  The good thing is, the hills are green and beautiful and the dry river beds are filling up.  Global warming has hit Central America too!  I’m hoping I will be returning for an Indian summer in the UK.  I am rather nervous about coming back so soon as Rafa and I have already got used to living with each other and I feel I will have to start again with my new life when I get back with my head full of London life and first world comforts again.